everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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