Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
