I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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