...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake