The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.