some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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