Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out