census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes