I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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