There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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