Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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