He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
