apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
