I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
