Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
