The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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