you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
