dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
