I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
