She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
