i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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