five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
