You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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