I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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