I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
