the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
