I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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