just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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