we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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