Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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