Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize