he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
