new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
being pregnant is like rehab
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
