And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
