Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize