your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
