"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
