Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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