As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
