Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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