"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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