Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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