dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
