I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
