i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
