I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
