everyone is single if you try hard enough
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
