I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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