oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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