I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
