I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
