those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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