I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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