i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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