woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
