Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
