Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
