i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The power of my boobs compel you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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