I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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