my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
