Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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