Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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