I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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