I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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