Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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