i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
50% drunk capacity currently
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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