**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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