Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
