Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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