I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
