we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
