They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
