Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
