kristin has been a bad kristin
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
