So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
