I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
