This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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