Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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